The no-fun part of being unemployed

We all know that when you break up with your boyfriend, or someone close to you passes away, there are these different phases you go through to deal with the situation. Well I didn’t loose a person in any sense, but I did lose my job. And I just entered the second stage of being unemployed.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the process of being job-less, the first step goes like this: you throw your hands in the air, scream “fuck it” and start partying like it’s an extreme sport. It’s all good fun cause there’s literally nothing stopping you from dancing until 6am on a day that’s hardly even close to the weekend. That little voice in your head isn't nagging: “Girl, you better not overdo it. You need to send a million mails tomorrow morning and your boss expects them to all be grammatically correct.” That voice went clubbing too.

But now I entered through the gate of phase two. And let me tell you, it’s a whole lot less fun over here. The second stage of being unemployed is where the panic kicks in. Instead of shaking your hips on a DJ booth imagining you’re Christina Aquilera in 2002, you find yourself paralyzed on your bed worrying about the big scary monster living underneath it, named “The Future”. In phase two you start realizing that a degree in Cultural Studies brings you no where, that you needed to start that French course 5 years ago and that daytime television’s no good for a reason. Here’s where you start to feel really small when you talk to people with actual talent and skill and you’re not going out anymore because you’re exhausted of questioning your life all day long.

I also find that my bank account gets very cocky in phase two, it recently even started talking back to me. When I said, “I want to buy a new pair of shoes”, my bank account went like “Bitch, no.” When I said “I’d really like to travel” It said, “Where, to the back yard?” I guess I should be glad that my freezer hasn’t given any comments on the amounts of ice cream I’ve been consuming lately.

But let’s hope that phase three will bring me into a much calmer state. I’ve never been there so I don’t know what it looks like. Maybe that’s where all the unemployed people start joining up and go skipping rope in a parc somewhere. And then they're joined by The Future who actually turns out to be a friendly giant who enjoys braiding hair. Anyway, I’ll be glad if I can soon shut up my bank account by stuffing some money in its face.