"Everything is more fun with lubricant"

Im sorry, I cant attend your feminist reading club. I have a handjob workshop to go to that night.Well, theres a sentence I thought Id never say.  The said workshop was given by Joke at this pretty cool feminist and fairtrade sexshop at Mechelen, and it turned out to be pretty handy.

It all started out with a Facebook event that might not needed to be public, crossed the seven social media seas, fought some peg-legged trollers along the way and was eventually sent to the Wolf headquarters. Of course, we were highly cynical of something like a handjob workshop. We’re highly cynical of pretty much everything that isn’t made out of creamy chocolate. Though of one thing we were certain: a night of women trying their best to pleasure an inanimate dildo would be fun. So we decided to go.

I hear you wondering now, why does someone have to teach you about sex? It should come naturally, right? Let me some up some good reasons to get yourself some sexeducation:

1.   We learn the basic function of our bits when we get sex ed in school. Approximately when youre 11 years old they teach you that you dont order babies on Amazon and that periods are a necessary evil. In high school you probably needed to put a condom on a banana on some point. Good that they teach you how not to get a std and to eat your daily fruit at the same time, but theres little to no talk on different sexual orientations, consent, how to feel confident about your body and have a sex life that's not only safe but also satisfying. Youre pretty much on your own to figure all those things out.

2.   Of course theres porn. We can put this simple: mainstream porn sucks. Dont get your sex ed there. Actually, stop watching that pornhub shit and search for some good feminist porn. Theres ethically well-made stuff out there that will make your dirty bits tinkle like the end of Harry Potters wand. We promise you.

3.   Sex is fun. Hell, its a lotta fun. Its also healthy for you, it brings you close to your partner (in case of a partner, it can be really fun to get close to someone youre never even going to send a Christmas card to too) and its an overall nice way to spend your time. It surely beats ironing laundry. So why not take the time to learn how to get better at it? The sex. Not the ironing. You can just give up on that one.

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The workshop was given by Joke, a tantra-expert who gives upperdare parties as well as workshops on eroticism. A journey of autodidactism which all began when she asked a gay friend in a bar to teach her about blowjobs. Cause you know, who hasnt made a career decision with a beer bottle in the mouth? She spent the night teaching a group of 15 ladies different ways to give a handjob other then the old up-and-down. Let's just admit that makes you feel like youre hand crank starting an oldtimer (definitely. not. sexy) and youre never going to manage to do it better than the penis-owner himself anyway. Not that tantra techniques with names like the joystick" or "the orange juicerreally sound that appealing, but hé, Joke promised us they would work.

So thats how I got myself into a little thing I like to call tête-a-dildo. The giant plastic penis standing in front of my seat upon arrival scared me a bit, so I secretly switch it to a more realistic-sized model. Sorry dildo, its not you, its me. Im showing you a list of different techniques tonight, but of course youre free to switch it up and mix them while youre pleasuring your partner.says sexpert Joke an hour into the workshop while I still havent got a moan out of my dildo which by now I have named Albert. In front of me and Anke are two ladies that could easily be us in 10 years. Theyve been having a blast all night long. I dont think I really need to learn all the different techniques.One of them says laughing with her best friend. After just one, its already game-over with my husband.By the end of the workshop Ive deep-throated enough red wine to not care anymore about all the awkwardness and whether Alberts ever going to introduce me to his parents. Im just having a great time with all my tantra-classmates. Funny how a table of dildos got a bunch of strange women to bond together. You would almost forget about the men were supposedly doing this for.

P.S. Im sorry dear readers, of course we can't give away all of Jokes dirty secrets in this blog post. So for now I suggest you use your imagination to try to find how a rock around the clockon a dick exactly works. Or you can of course sign up for one of her workshops or visit Rebecca in her lovely shop. Be sure to tell Albert hi from me.