Resume of a clueless person

This is my first day of being unemployed, on which I’m leaving on a ski holiday. Not a bad start, I guess. I’m going to the Alps with my collegues which I now have to call ex. Luckily, it was one of those friendly break-ups.

Soon I’ll have to do the dreadful task of writing my resume and handing out job applications. But I’m ready for that. I’ve made a list of things I’m good at. Here it goes.

  • I have a supernatural talent for fast forwarding tv-commercials until the exact point my show is starting again. On the second, I swear.
  • I make a mean spaghetti carbonara. It’s the only thing I know how to make, but it’s damn good. It also scares away hangovers until they’re standing in the corner crying for their mama.
  • I know the complete history of DC’s character Batgirl, including the correct mention of dates, editions and authors.
  • I know how to impress boys using my knowledge of the complete history of Batgirl.
  • I can last hours without having to go to the toilet. I’m like a camel that way. Perfect for concerts and long bus trips. Like when you go to the Alps.
  • I’m really good at googling things. You want a picture of a Collie dog riding a horse while wearing sunglasses and a hat? I got it.

So if your company is in dire need of someone with this set of special skills, please let me know. I’m available for work as soon as I’m back from the Alps.




Told you so.

Told you so.