After I got back from my apparently non-existing dentist appointment this morning, I was craving a coffee and a croissant. "Sorry we're out every day before 9 o'clock. There's this deal you see, a coffee and croissant are only 2,50." "That's ok, just the coffee then", I replied and the coffee man answered with a hopeful smile: "Maybe tomorrow". Yeah, maybe tomorrow.
I was at the verge of yet another mental breakdown - where do these things keep coming from? - but this friendly guy made me feel like everything's going to be ok (He also gave me coffee. Coffee makes everything better). You know, 2016 has been quite a tough and crazy year. I've been through so many different emotions, that I don't even remember what it's like to feel normal. "All these feelings and where to put them!?" is my most beloved inspirational quote at the moment. This year, I dragged a thesis with me - taking procrastination to a whole new level - but I did graduate, I got my first tax letter, I've fallen in and out of love, I saw horrible things in several refugee camps, like every other person I see the world go to shit every single day, I've lost a dear friend of mine who I miss every day, I got into a car accident and since I started working I've managed to drink more coffee than I ever thought possible.
I was somehow under the impression that I could make my curriculum vitae perfect by the time I graduated. I started learning not one, but two new languages, I did two courses on humanitarian and development aid, I've been to Strasbourg for a week to stand up for the Kurdish rights and I've been on a two-week digital storytelling course in Athens and yet it's still not enough. Turns out all employers want is experience, imagine that. I'm failing tests, get no answers from my hypothetical future employers or get the message that they found someone with a better profile.
I thought I could outrun life, but it's catching up with me. And fast. At this point I have no idea who I am or what to do anymore. And you know what, that's ok. I just need some time to get my shit together. I have the best friends in the world who give me either chocolate or alcohol (and yes, sometimes both) depending on my emotional status. I drag my ass to loud concerts whenever I can just to think about nothing for a while. I'm starting to learn how to say 'no' (in different languages!) to stuff and I've decided last week that I'm not going to work on Fridays anymore. This way I'll have more time for my super exciting job hunt (and yes ok, that three day weekend sure sounds good).
I'm very sorry, I'm perfectly aware that I have this baby blog that needs my undivided attention and care but between all my courses, applying for jobs, voluntary work, my desk job and catching up with friends I haven't found any time to write. I promise I'll try to write some stuff soon. And to end with a quote that could definitely be from Albus Dumbledore: "There will always be coffee and maybe tomorrow there'll be croissants too."